Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize