Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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