Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Found your dick twin last night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
