my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
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You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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