It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
