Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
