why didn't you poke me back
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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