Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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