hotel room ftw
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
