We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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