i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
