Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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