I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
