If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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