Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
