Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
