you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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