problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
