Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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