I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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