We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
