Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize