maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It was confusing and full of hummus
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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