I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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