a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
