That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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