let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
