U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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