perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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