and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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