she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
