Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
