apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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