1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
