i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
