I'm so fucking centered right now
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.