happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
No subtext here. People are naked.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father