walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol