Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!