Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i think i just lost a toe
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration