if you like me you must not know who I am
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂