I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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