I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets