best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
