His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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