i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
