I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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