There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
