i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
