toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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