Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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