Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We have started to decorate penises.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
