Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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