I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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