My liver just broke up with me...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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