im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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