The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
