It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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