cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Come share oat with me in your robe
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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