so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
