im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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