3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
