escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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