I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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