so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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