I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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