just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
