I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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