If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
