He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
