what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
