you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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