Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
